Apt articles on health, wealth, happiness

How to give yourself cancer, page 3 of 3

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Optional (additional) steps

To give yourself cancer even faster:
  • CT scan — have a CT scan! The younger you are, the more it will damage you!
  • Cell phone — hold it to your ear!
  • Cell phone — carry it on your body on a belt, in a bra, or pocket!
  • Coffee — drink as much coffee as possible!
  • Drive, rather than walk!
  • Gas stove — use a gas stove for cooking! Some of your food will burn and contain acrylamide, a human carcinogen;
  • High voltage power lines, power transformers, cell phone towers — live near them!
  • Garlic, ginger, red pepper — avoid them!
  • Home phone — give it up and switch to a cell phone!
  • Sleep less; maintain a chronic sleep deficit!
  • Stress — subject yourself to a lot of stress!
  • Smart meters — allow their installation in your home!
  • Smoke as much as possible!
  • Vaccinate yourself and your kids — cancer is far more common in those who are vaccinated!
  • Vehicle — make and receive cell phone calls in your car, truck, RV, or bus!
  • Vehicle where cell phones are being used — ride in buses and street cars!
  • Wi-Fi signals — live in a house with Wi-Fi, or in an apartment building!
  • Work at night, rather than during the day!
  • Work indoors, rather than outdoors!
  • Work more — work up to 120 hours per week, rather than 40!


You might be thinking, "Are you crazy? Why are you writing an article that tells people how to give themselves cancer?"

The answer is, because these days virtually all Americans are following this plan. They give themselves cancer, step by step, using the exact same plan that I've outlined here. However, when they're suddenly diagnosed with cancer, they have a puzzled look on their face and ask, "Gee, why do I have this cancer?"

The answer is, because they've been following the "How to give yourself cancer" plan as outlined in this apt article, which includes their choices in foods, drinks, sunlight, physical exercise, radiation therapy and chemotherapy.

All I've really done here, in this apt article I've described the plan that virtually all Americans are already following. This is also the "How to give yourself cancer" plan that is aggressively promoted by brand-name food manufacturers, pharmaceutical companies, the USDA, USDA politicians, as well as mainstream healthcare professionals, such as medical doctors.

Sadly, the entire anti-cancer campaign of healthcare professionals is limited to three words: "Do not smoke!" which is silly because smokers live longer.

Therefore I present this information as a unique way to get the point across to people. That is, if they don't want to give themselves cancer, then they need to get off this "How to give yourself cancer" plan, and get on to a plan that actually prevents getting cancer.

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