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How to know if a friend is using you, page 1 of 5

By Dr. Larry Vanlandingham

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How do you know if a friend is using you?

Real friends

What is the difference between real friends and users? Real friends:
  • Are interested in you and your life,
  • Ask questions about your emotional and physical health, and professional life. The more genuine your friends are, the better their questions will be.
  • Call you and follow up with you.
In sharp contrast, users stop calling you.

Real friends are there for you:
  • When you have a problem, or when you're feeling down,
  • To listen and offer you comfort and support. If you have a problem, it's their problem too, and they're right there to help you.
In sharp contrast, users become increasingly more distant.

Real friends:
  • Enjoy each other's company,
  • Spend time together, just to enjoy each other's company in a connected synergy, with no other strings attached.
In sharp contrast, users tend to leave you as soon as possible.

Real friends:
  • Have integrity, they keep their words,
  • They do as they say, they do walk the talk.
In sharp contrast, users do NOT keep their words, never show up, or show up late-late.

Real friends:
  • Have your best interests in their hearts,
  • Help you, even though it might be a burden, pain, or risk for themselves,
  • Reciprocate; they help you back,
  • Sacrifice for you.
  • Satisfy both of your needs at the same time.
In sharp contrast, users only have their own self-interests in mind. Users care about their own needs only. Users have responsibilities and obligations that are more important than you.

Real friends stop their own lives to come to help you:
  • When there is little or no incentive for them to do so,
  • Even when there is a risk or pain for them to do so.
In sharp contrast, users have responsibilities and obligations that are far more important to them than your needs.

Real friends:
  • Do tell you how they feel about you, because the obligation to be honest is more important to them, and because they value your friendship.
  • Do tell you personal things with a complete trust that you won't use it against them later on.
  • Don't keep information from you, even though it's something that you might not want to hear, or might hurt you.
In sharp contrast, users find faults with you, and talk negatively behind your back. ...More >>

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