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How to tell your friend is using you, page 1 of 3

By Dr. Larry Vanlandingham

Link to this article!

Do you have a friend who keeps taking advantage of you? Some friends don't realize your time and help are valuable. Some friends don't understand what friendship is, and that you want reciprocity.


Users want you for the purpose of getting free services, such as free rides, but they:
  • Don't reciprocate,
  • Don't include you in the activities of their friends, and
  • When you ask them to do stuff for you — they bail. And even after that they
  • Still call you a "friend", and remain nice to you so that they can use you later on.


Takers take from you free services, but aren't willing to repay you in kind. Focusing on their own needs, they keep taking from you, and never say 'thank you'. They don't steal; they just take advantage of your generosity, without reciprocating, or without saying 'thank you'.

Take, take, take friends

Take, take, take friends take advantage of the fact that friends are there for you when you need them. You help them to:
  • Move,
  • Give them a ride, you
  • Carry their bags, you
  • Help them with their homework, you
  • Help them to get their first real job, or real property.
These are the things that, in moderation, are a part of being there for a friend. However, there is no 'give' on their side, because when you ask them for help — they bail!

Selfish people

Selfish people use you to get what they want. They calculate, manipulate, scheme and plot most of the time. They have a strong 'me first' mentality and a tunnel vision that focuses on themselves and their personal needs. They're bad listeners who give little or no consideration to what you have to say. There isn't any 'give' on their side because they hoard resources, and find it difficult to part with even the simplest things, like their time and effort. When you ask them for help — they bail!

Personal problems

If you have a personal problem, real friends listen to you, encourage you, pray for you and bless you with their love. Users sound callous, annoyed or distant — like as if they didn't hear you, are too busy for you, or rather talk about something else 'they' are interested in.   ...More >>

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Tell a friend!

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