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How to tell your friend is using you, page 2 of 3

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Social situations

Real friends spend time with you because they care about you, enjoy your company and seek two-way friendships.

Users want to chat with you for other reasons. For example, to:
  • Solicit your free help,
  • Boost their ego,
  • Talk about themselves,
  • Fill their spare time, when they haven't made any prior arrangement for the weekend, or when one of their friends has canceled a prior engagement.
Users will leave you stranded in the middle of the evening, if they get a call from someone who is cooler than you; and there is always someone who is cooler than you.

Are you altruistic?

If you're altruistic, you won't have any problem helping users or anyone else. However, if you're altruistic, you're also the kind of person who will likely get taken advantage of.

Is he using me?

If you're asking yourself this question, chances are you already know that he is using you. However, without jumping to conclusions too quickly, think about him calmly and objectively. Of course friends do use each other all the time. But it's a reciprocal barter that is based on fairness.
  • Example 1: Your friend helps you, and the next day you help him back — that is friendship.
  • Example 2: After your friend has been 'too busy for you' for many months or years, one night he wants your company, services, or attention for a brief hour — that is using someone.
  • Example 3: You help your friend, and the next day he helps you back — that is friendship.
  • Example 4: Your friend repeatedly receives help from you, but whenever you ask him to do stuff for you, he bails — that is using someone.

Is he grateful?

If you wonder whether your friend is grateful for your help, then remember this rule: "If the number of times he thanks you is not equal to or greater than the number of favors you do for him, then he is not grateful for your help."


Imagine your positions are switched. Think up a possible situation — one where you believe your friend used you. If he did something you would never ever do, then it's likely that he was using you.

Example: You helped your friend many times, but he always ignored you at pretty much every other time. If you yourself would never do that, then you can be positive that he was using you, and he is a self-centered, self-obsessed friend who uses you. ...More >>

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